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The Artists' Curse

January 10th, 2021

The Artist's Curse... Believing your own work to be sub-par, even if it isn't, simply because you've been working with it for so long that you notice imperfections that no one else will.
Apparently, Vincent Van Gogh also suffered from the artist's curse... ‘I’m unhappy with everything I’m doing. Why move around a lot? When I see the orchards again won’t I be more hardened, won’t it be like something new, a new attack, in the new season, on the same subject? And the same throughout the year, for the harvest, for the vineyards, for everything.', wrote Vincent to his brother, Theo, on July 9th in 1888.
So many creative people suffer from the Artist's Curse, where we doubt our abilities, see only the flaws in our work... decide it's all crap... that we ourselves are crap and have zero talent. People will tell me when I express this feeling that I'm being too hard on myself and that I am my own worst critic. I try to counter that by saying if I was not self-critical, how could I ever make improvements in my work? Trying to look at the flaws as tools to be used to do it better/differently next time should be productive, but too often we just feel defeated by it, at least in the short term. Why am I even bothering to do this... so many REALLY good artists have already done it and a thousand times better than I ever could. I should just toss my brushes and paints in the trash! Self-defeat. Self-doubt. These are the basics of the Artist's Curse.

True story... A friend of mine is a very close friend of the world famous artist David Hockney, probably the most influential and successful painter of this century (and a good chunk of the last century). His work sells in the multi-million dollar range. My friend spends a ton of time with David and has traveled with him extensively. Over the years, this friend has purchased several small paintings of mine, and a few years ago right before Christmas he bought an 11" x 14" painting I had done of Dogtown Books here in Gloucester, MA in the winter time. It wasn't expensive... a few hundred dollars, which I was very happy to have at the time. He said he was going to be traveling with David over the holidays and I wished him a fun and safe trip. When he got back a few weeks later he sent me a photo of David Hockney holding my little painting, which he had given to David as a Christmas gift! I was filled with two emotions in that moment... first, bliss! Here is the David Hockney holding my painting which he now owns! That was followed quickly by utter panic... the David Hockney, world renowned painter, can see every single flaw... every single glaring error that I made in that painting. All the mistakes that I can now also see so clearly in this photo in which my work is in his hands, and all I could envision was that after the photo was taken, he tossed it aside and laughed at it... laughed at me. Here's the thing, even if it did go down that way, which I'm sure it didn't, the problem is/was in my head. These sorts of thoughts plague too many of us who put too much stock in the negative musings born in our own insecurities. We need to realize that others really don't see those imperfections that jump out at us as the creator of the work. We need to be aware of what didn't work in the making of a painting, but let that painting stand on its own and not compare it or ourselves to anything or anyone else. That's a lot easier said than done, but without that, we can never fully progress in our own journey as artists.

Strange Days Indeed

January 10th, 2021

Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Strange days, indeed!

Most peculiar, Mama!

~John Lennon



No one will ever say that 2020 hasn't been a more eventful year than usual and we're not even half way through it.


It started with horrific wild fires in Australia that killed millions of animals, followed by plagues of locusts in Africa. Meanwhile, a particularly deadly new coronavirus emerged from China and rapidly spread around the world, hitting America very hard. As of this writing about 6.75 million people have been confirmed infected with the virus globally, though the number is probably MUCH higher as testing is still not readily available, (almost 2 million infected in the US) and close to 700 thousand are dead (over 110 thousand of those in the US alone). Tens of millions are unemployed as everything has closed up and people are mandated to stay at home in self-quarantine to slow the spread of the disease. Schools closed in March and have not reopened. Shortages of toilet paper, hand sanitizers, and cleaning supplies, and also of meat, as the meat packing industry was hard hit with many employees down with the virus. There are lines at grocery stores as they limit the number of people allowed in at one time, but at least we can shop, despite the shortages. Most people are heeding the warnings to wear masks and distance themselves from others, at least where I am where the infection rate has been very high, but in other places people scoff at the danger and claim the suggestion of wearing masks and social distancing violates their rights. Most people where I am are more sensible. Stores, including art galleries are closed, and the art organizations here have been unable to open, canceling all exhibits including my two solo shows that were scheduled for the 2020 season. Sales for most artists are WAY off. And now, to add to the insanity, protests and rioting all over the country set off by the killing of a black man by police in Minneapolis, witnessed by many and recorded for the world to see. That was the tipping point (and the tip of the iceberg) for so many people, myself included. We are a divided nation, probably not so divided since the Civil War, for a variety of reasons. At just shy of 68 years old, I have never, ever seen anything quite like what has been going on and even after the dangers have passed, I don't see us ever getting back to anything that we perceived as "normal" life. Those days are gone. These are the interesting times that the old Chinese curse spoke of that we are doomed to live through.

I am still making art. In fact, after a brief time of slacking off when my son moved back to Maine on the last day of February, just as the pandemic was making itself known, I have been painting up a storm. I think for many people in the arts, times like this brings our need to express our creativity to the forefront. Eventually, all of these stresses to our "normal" lives will resolve, for good or ill, and whatever the "new normal" might manifest as, we'll get on with it.


Now, let's see what else Mother Nature will hurl at us in the middle of all of the man-made mayhem as this cursed year wears on, reminding us that it's hers to decide if we frail beings will keep our tenuous grasp on our place on this planet.

See My Voice

January 10th, 2021

I have walked into a strange gallery and been able to point out the work of people I know without looking at a tag or a signature. Their "style" is as much who they are as an individual as their fingerprints are. When I was a young painter, I tried a bit of everything, but once I found my comfort zone.... the place that most exemplified who I am as a person and as a painter... I have never strayed far from that place. I want people to look at my work and hear my "voice" with their eyes. Getting to that place required that fluidity, but those aspects of the ebb and flow of early experimentation that didn't work anymore were discarded as I honed in on my inevitable "style".

Making Art In A Quarantine

January 10th, 2021

We are currently experiencing a pandemic, the likes of which has not been seen since 1918's Spanish Flu. Since my husband and I are in a high risk group (old) we are doing our best to lay as low as we can and take each day as it comes. While we aren't actually quarantined, at least not yet, the "government" and medical experts say we should be staying home unless 100% necessary to venture out. For the most part, we do just that. We go to the grocery store when we must, where the shelves are often bare (toilet paper, for some reason, is what has been the scarcest) or to the pharmacy to get needed medicines. We take walks around the area, which is thinly populated and largely wooded. We get fresh air and sunshine and don't really see anyone else. We're glued to the television and internet for news and some form of diversion when the news becomes too much to hear. And then... there is art...

It has taken me a while to actually start making art as we shelter in place. I just wasn't feeling it, and as I heard of my artist friends busily at work, I began to feel a good deal of guilt for not doing the same. I made one, and a good one at that. I started another and while it started out OK, I quickly discovered it was not at all what I wanted to be doing and it felt like a chore. Now on my third attempt, and I already like it, though I've done little more than block it in. I'm feeling this one. I like the place it is taking me and I love the place it IS. I have been literally dreaming in vivid detail of the most breathtaking panoramas, and in the dreams all I want to do is paint them, but I can't seem to find my paint or my brushes, nor even a camera to perhaps try to capture it. I feel this is all caused by my trepidation around the world's situation and my need to see beyond it, to what degree I can, to the beauty that is still so bountiful. I'm longing to be in those places that have always so inspired my creativity, but that all seem so very out of reach right now.

And so, we ride it out, hoping that we and our friends and loved ones come out the other side of this awful disease pandemic, this strain of corona virus that is so deadly, and that it will leave us relatively unscathed.

Subtlety

January 10th, 2021

Subtlety.... something that has slowly made its way into my life, in my style of painting, my brush strokes, my color choices, my way of speaking, my way of interacting with other earthlings. Like improvisational, cool jazz... a smoother state of being. When it's working at its best, I literally feel in the groove. I'm smiling just thinking about it.

How Long Does It Take

January 10th, 2021

Ponderment of the morning... People often ask me how long it takes me to complete a painting. There is, of course, a different answer to that question every time. There are times that I have been more than bit defensive about the speed in which I finish a painting. It's just what I do. It works for me. It might not work for anyone else. Depending on technique, there are artists who take years to finish a single work (Maxfield Parrish left many, many unfinished paintings simply because of the multitude of glazes he used and the time it took for each layer to dry) and others who can whip something pretty good up in minutes. The time it takes me from the moment I pick up the brush until the moment I apply that final brush stroke for one painting is truly only a fraction of the time that goes into the entire process. There is planning, preparation, and yes, decades of training and mastering of technique involved. How long it takes to create anything is immaterial. It's the finished product that matters, not how it was created or how long it took. So when you see a piece of art, or hear a moving piece of music, or read a book that you can't put down, don't ask the artist how long it took... it takes as long as it takes... instead, tell them how it makes you feel, why you like it, why it moves you.

Mark Time MARCH

January 10th, 2021

My thoughts on how I approach what might be called a lull in the flow of creativity.... I am always inspired by seeing the art of others... it gets my wheels turning, thinking how I would approach the same subject. That often helps when my muse is on sabbatical. Mostly, I make myself work through it, even if what I make isn't great. The process of putting a mark on a canvas every single day... keeping the brushes wet.... even if it's just marking time, marching in place, eventually gets me back on the right track.

Time Out

January 10th, 2021

We all have skills in something... the things that we excel at or at least do very well. That could be anything from cooking to painting to playing music to acting to balancing a budget... it's something that pretty much comes naturally but with determination and hard work that skill set improves exponentially. One of the things I think I'm pretty good at is painting, but every once in a while I'll be working on something and think DAMN... I seem to have totally forgotten how to do this. The more I try the worse it seems to get. While I would never be so bold as to call myself a "master" painter of water, it is one aspect of painting I feel I have a fairly good grasp on, that is, until I DON'T. Today is one of those days. In fact ever since I started this one I'm working on I have questioned every brush stroke. I've redone one area half a dozen times and I STILL don't like it. I've added and subtracted then added again. I've studied every reference photo of rocks and waves I have. I've gone down to the beach and watched rhythm of the waves for the umpteenth time. I've told myself over and over... Eileen, you've GOT this... what the hell is your problem!? I'm sure I'm not the only one who has taken on a task, secure in the skill set that they've honed, only to have wall after wall thrown up in their way. Maybe the best thing to do is put this one away and start something utterly different. I'm sure my hands will eventually remember what my head already knows and I can finish it up. I'm SO close... just a few more hours would do it, but it needs a time out and so do I. Onward and upward!

Be Full Of Wonder

January 10th, 2021

Peter Nyren was my art teacher in high school and had a profound impact on how I approach art... not just how to apply paint to canvas or formulas for composition, but how to actually consider what to paint, how to see a thing... REALLY see it... see the beauty in things other people don't see at all... be full of wonder. He taught me that making art is more than keeping my brushes wet. It's also all of the magic that comes before the actual creation. In this way, I am ALWAYS making art, even if I'm just walking up the street looking at the most mundane thing... thinking of how I could paint it or what the story was behind it. He taught me that all of this is part of the creative process.

Have You Got What It Takes?

January 10th, 2021

I didn't write this (except for the parts you see in parentheses). It is long (so I know I'll lose a lot of you starting....... now) but if you're an artist even in the broadest sense and want to make this your career, read on... :

Have you got what it takes to be an ARTIST?

Here's my Top Ten List of what takes to succeed:

1. Failure. You’ve got to work through the bad in order to get to the good. Failure is an integral part of being an artist. (Lots of failure and rejection... it will bother you and that's fine, just learn to get over it FAST)

2. A website. Sorry, I know you didn’t want to hear this but it’s true. Having a website is a sign of professionalism in the art business. (It's important. Keep it current. Work it!)

3. Self-confidence. Confidence isn’t something you are born with or that someone else gives you. It’s a skill that you learn – through doing the work. (If you're awesome and you know it clap your hands.. clap! clap!)

4. Time and space to develop your ideas. Art is more than just pretty pictures, the best art explores ideas and ideas need time to develop and grow. Respect that and give yourself permission to take this time for your work. (And forgive yourself if you check social media 20,000 times during the process... you might get inspired by something you see. Yea, that's it...)

5. A community of other artists. Other artists aren’t your competition, they are your colleagues. Join them. (Well, some of them ARE your competition and this allows you to keep an eye on them...)

6. Resilience. You’re going to hear the word “no” more than you will “yes,” and it takes resilience to keep going. Put on those Big Boy pants! (No! Yes! No!... and I wear big girl pants... well.... not BIG, but, you know)

7. An understanding of the history and issues of your medium and/or subject matter. Never stop learning. (You gotta know your NeoMegilp from your Galkyd Lite. Stand Oil and Linseed oil are not the same thing! I think. Well, sorta the same. Ish.)

8. Professional marketing materials. This is a business, remember? (I have one word for you.... Vistaprint)

9. An understanding of the business of art. As a working artist, you are a self-employed small business owner, you have a responsibility as any other entrepreneur does, to understand professional practices.(Save your receipts!)

10. Do the work. You don’t get to be an artist if you don’t make the work! (This is why you'll never hear me say I'm an accountant).

(Now, go forth and be creative in an orderly fashion).

 

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